There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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