I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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