we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
