I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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