New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
