I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
