SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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