Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
