whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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