do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
