I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
