can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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