the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
