I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
