He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
