So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
