I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
