Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your penis caused this!
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