Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Plan B is the new Plan A
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
