Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There r osticjed everywhere
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
