you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
