I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
