the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
