saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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