i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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