He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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