"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
