It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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