Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
