I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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