I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
