i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
