Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
