I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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