So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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