I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize