the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
