I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
