omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
