grandma shit on top of the toilet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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