oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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