my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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