I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
