Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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