Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
