i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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