i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
