I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
