I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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