sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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