I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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