billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
