OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize