i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize