I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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