Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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