...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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