Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
