Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
