Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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