What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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