she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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