I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think your dad took our porno
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
