I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
