So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
