Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
