It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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