In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
