Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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