Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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