the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
