Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
