he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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